


The Last Time (I Forgive You)

by samsbestgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cheating, Guilty Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Pain, Sibling Incest, Songfic, Tears, no happy ending, why did i just do this to my poor heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 05:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18114428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samsbestgirl/pseuds/samsbestgirl
Summary: He never thought it would hurt this bad.But then again, Dean Winchester just knew how to break your heart.





	The Last Time (I Forgive You)

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this. I you do give it a thumbs up. Feedback is very much appreciated.

I don't wanna hear, what you have to say  
I've heard it all before, every single phrase

"That's enough. Just stop explaining." He could barely choke the words out, the tears were streaming down his face freely now, not even caring about how broken he sounded. He wanted Dean to know, to see his handy work. It was all his fault anyway, Sam shouldn't have to make it easy for him. He always did that, and every time it came back to bite him in the ass. It was the last time. "Do you actually think you could say anything that would make me feel better?" 

Dean cast his eyes downwards, the guilt in his stance easy to see if you knew what you were looking for. Sam swallowed back bile when he saw the bruise on his neck and he internally screamed, he screamed for the unfairness of it all, he screamed for his broken heart, for all of the times he had forgiven him and believed Dean when he said it was the last time he fucked around. Well, this would be the last time. Because Sam wouldn't let him rip him in pieces again. 

"Do you remember what you said last time? How it would never happen again?" Sam wiped at his face, trying to put into words what he was feeling, trying for the first time in his life to let Dean see how much he hurt because of his actions. "Let me tell you what those words meant. Nothing. They meant nothing." He spat in Dean's face, wanting to appear brave, but feeling as if the earth would rip in two and swallow him whole if he so much as breathed. He would actually welcome it. 

wipe away the tears, drowning out my days  
give me back the years, that you took away

Sam remembered the first time they kissed. It was one of his most treasured memories. Dean had treated him like he was made of glass, like something to be protected, assuring him that everything would be alright, that they would be together no matter what. That nothing could ever tear them apart. He mused now that everything he had said were a bunch of fucked up fantasies that will never come to be, and he wondered how could he have been so stupid to believe in them. 

Dean had been everything to him. Mother, father, brother, lover. He was everything he clung to when the world was darkest, when we would feel that there was nothing to hope for anymore. Dean was the light in that void of nothing. The one who was always there, chasing away the nightmares, his protector, his life and soul. And the sad thing was that, after all this, he still believed it.

"All that we've been through... it means nothing to you?" He asked, feeling resigned, like he's just lost the will to fight. And in a way, he did. 

"How could you say that?" Dean lifted his head, his eyes going wide. His beautiful green orbs were watery, like he was on the verge of crying and barely holding on. "Of course it meant something. It meant everything." 

"Really? That's why you did it? Cause you love me too damn much? Well let me tell you, you have a pretty fucked up way of showing it to me." He said mocking, barely concealing his bitterness. 

Oh, believe me when I tell you that its over  
I'm never coming back this way again.  
I'm getting wiser, getting older  
so I'm walking away, I'm walking away!

"It was a mistake." He took a step closer, close enough to touch but not daring to just yet. "You have to believe me." He blinked twice, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over and overflow them. "You know I would never..." He paused, closing his eyes, and knowing deep down that anything he said was too little, too late. But he had to try. He couldn't lose Sam. Not now. Not ever. "I would never hurt you intentionally." It sounded lame and pathetic even to his own ears and he internally winced. 

"But you ALREADY did!" Sam screamed suddenly, forcefully, every pent up emotion he's had coming back at once, taking over him. "Fuck!" He swept his hand over the nearest table, the items falling out over the floor with a loud thud, making both of them flinch. Shards of glass were now laying at their feet, but neither cared enough to acknowledge them. 

Sam drew in a deep breath and let his lungs deflate, the last of his anger seeping out and leaving in its wake just a deep bone sadness and a great sense of defeat. He could have never won. Not in the face of all those girls. They would've always been better than him, better than what they had. After all, it had never been normal to begin with. Sam should have known it wouldn't last. That he wasn't good enough to make it last. 

He turned on his heels, leaving a stunned Dean behind and drew his duffel out from under their bed. Their bed. Ha. What a joke. Of course Dean didn't care where he fucked his next conquest. Why would he? It's not like he had someone who loved him waiting for him. He started throwing clothes and random items inside, not caring if he forgot something. They could be replaced. The tragic thing was that he was leaving behind the one thing which could never be replaced. 

"Sammy?!" 

I don't wanna know, what you're doing here  
there's nothing you can do, not afraid of fear

"Sam, what are you doing?" Dean sounded panicked, not at all like his usual confident self. "No - no." He reached out and snatched the t-shirt he was intending to put in the duffel out of Sam's hands. "You can't leave me." His tears were running unchecked down his cheeks now, his heart was in his throat and he could hear its pounding ringing loudly in his ears, almost deafening. "Please, Sammy.. don't do this to me."

"I told you it was the last time. I can't live like this, Dean. I can't look over my shoulder every time and check if you follow, wondering when you'll slip again and make one of your so called mistakes. I can't just be a warm body in your bed that you can play with but don't care enough for to stay faithful." He suddenly wanted it all out in the open, he felt powerless to stop the flowing of words that were leaving his mouth. "I - I love you, Dean. And if that's not enough, I don't know what could ever be." It pained him to say those things to his brother, but they were the truth and Dean had to understand. 

"Sammy..."

"How can I ever trust you again?" Sam asked, genuinely curious what Dean thought would happen if he stayed, but not willing to hear anything he might say. He was done with believing empty words that hold no meaning. His actions were enough proof. 

Dean was suddenly throwing his arms around his shoulder, clasping him tightly, not wanting to let go, afraid that if he did he would lose Sam forever. Lose the only thing that mattered. The best thing in his life. Dean buried his head in Sam's chest, crying his eyes out but powerless to stop it, just clinging to him and breathing in that familiar smell that meant everything to him, meant home, family, security and love. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry - I -" He didn't know what to say to make it at all better. He wanted nothing more than to make it all better. 

Sam hugged him back, for the last time maybe, drinking in the feel of his brother in his arms. His tears were wetting Dean's shirt but he didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he obviously didn't mind. "I know you are. But this time, that's not enough." He pulled back and cupped Dean's face in his hands, fitting his lips over his in a kiss which felt like an ending. He poured all the love he felt into that one chaste press of lips, which soon turned heated and passionate. They devoured at each others mouths like they were two starved man and they didn't seem to get enough. It was an intense feeling. The kind you experience once in a lifetime. The kind you know you'll never get with another. 

Oh, believe me when i tell you that it's over  
there are just some things that time can't erase  
I'm getting tired of looking back over my shoulder  
so, i'm walking away, I'm walking away  
I'll forgive and I'll forget  
for the last time  
for the last time  
and I'll take what I can get, oh  
for the last time  
for the last time

When Sam crossed over the threshold of the motel room with his duffel thrown over his shoulder, Dean felt as if his life was ending. The feeling of emptiness in his heart almost to much to bear and he felt his lungs constricting, like he couldn't get enough air inside to keep breathing. After all, why would he when the love of his life just left him?


End file.
